In my youth, it was nothing for me and a few friends to grab an old car out of a junkyard, throw a few shots of gas down the carburetor, add a few wires and a fresh battery, and fire that old thing up. The rust would fly, the engine would clatter, and the exhaust would roar. Those days are long gone now. Cars dead for a very long time in that salvage yard or behind some old shed could easily be brought back to life. Nowadays, the engine and other mechanicals hold up a lot longer than years ago. Even the body and interior can hold up pretty good. But the electronics are not as friendly with the ravages of time, temperature and weather.
Regardless, today’s zombies seem to be coming out of hiding more often than ever before. Reviving some of these early electronic zombies may be possible, but it’s usually a futile effort. The truth of the matter is these resurrections are not as easy to do as they were so many years ago. There are countless problems that have to be overcome to bring some of these rusted heaps back amongst the living, especially if you’re in an area that requires emission testing. Just trying to bypass some of those early electronic brains when a replacement part can’t be found can be a real challenge. Some never make it and eventually die from the lack of a brain, while others wander aimlessly from shop to shop still searching for their elusive electronic grey matter.
Even after you manage to find a brain for these living dead vehicles, it’s likely something else is going to go wrong. After being cast aside for so long, all the hoses, belts and gaskets are bound to have dried up. Something will or is about to fall off all by itself. Just as soon as one of these zombie mobiles makes an attempt to join the living, something will inevitably come tumbling to the shop floor. Whether it’s coolant, oil, a belt or even a pressure hose off of the power steering, something is not going to stay in place. Just like in every zombie movie I’ve ever watched where the living dead always have an arm or leg falling off, these zombie cars follow right along with that same affliction.
It’s safe to say, these relics of the early electronic era of the automotive world are in some respects the car equivalent of a zombie: half-dead, half-alive, and in search of a brain they may never find. So, don’t be surprised when you’re at the next traffic light and an old, faded, rusty, dented car with a shattered windshield, screeching brakes, and plumes of smoke billowing out behind it comes to a stop next to you. It’s just another vehicle from the past beginning its transformation into a “Zombie Car.”
